I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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