I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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