Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
