i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
