Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
