Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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