He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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