Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
