the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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