Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
