i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
