do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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