turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I touched a dick in church today
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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