Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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