Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
