I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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