Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
