Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
