but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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