Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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