I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
