i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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