was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
