A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
