Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
