I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
