butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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