As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
