I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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