Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
