ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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