:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
