I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
