It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
