Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
