Screwed.edu
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
