Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My vagina is officially offended.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
