I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
