I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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