we have officially lost it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
