I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
