why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
