Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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