I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
