The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
