I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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