Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you win again, gameday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
