Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
