There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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