i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
