I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
