i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can't motorboat a personality
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
