If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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