Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
