I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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